instead of bugle mcu peter parker sells his pictures to/works for buzzfeed. all his articles about spiderman are titled like ‘Insanely Cool And Relevant Spider-Man Helps Out At Local Soup Kitchen’ and ‘Awesomely Powerful And Suave Vigilante Spider-Man Just Stopped A Crime Ring From Stealing All Of Tony Stark’s Shit’ and ‘Beloved Sweetheart And Icon Spider-Man Saved An Old Lady So She Bought Him A Churro (Pics Will Make Your Heart MELT!!) and ‘Photographic Proof That Spider-Man Is A Thousand Times Cooler Than The Queens Police Department’, stuff along those lines. He also makes Which Avenger Are You quizzes, and one time he was mad at Tony so he made a poll asking if Spider-Man or Iron Man were cooler, but he rigged it so no matter what the actual voting outcome it would always say 0% voted for Iron Man.
‘Opinion: The Green Goblin Is A Loser And Spider-Man Could Easily End Him If He Wasn’t Such A Respectable And Peaceful Dude’
‘PROOF That Tony Stark Thinks Spider-Man Is The Greatest!!’ and it’s just a bunch of pictures that Peter completely staged and Tony clearly didn’t realize there was a camera on him. He’s smiling at the kid all proudly or whatever and Spider-Man is just fucking thumbs-uping into the camera lol
‘Devastatingly Smart And Funny Spider-Man Gets The Hulk To Calm Down With Only A Few Great Jokes!’
‘Um, Spider-Man Just Totally Saved The Entire City From A Genetically Modified Super Villain, And We’re Living For It.’
‘Okay- We Really Need To Start Appreciating Doctor Strange’ the picture featured in the article is Spider-Man trying to get Strange to fist bump and Strange looking annoyed
pictures of Spider-Man hanging around parades and protests and riots trying to make sure no one gets hurt
‘INCREDIBLE Spider-Man Webbed Up Falcon And The Winter Soldier Like It Was Nothing!’
‘Spider-Man Just Called Doc Ock A Little Bitch In The Middle Of A Fight, And It Was Iconic’
‘Friend To All! Spider-Man Saves An Adorable Cat From A Burning Building!’
‘Everyone’s Favorite Web-Slinger Just Gave A Lost Little Girl The COOLEST Ride Home!’
I can’t stop thinking about this lmao someone help me
The articles pick up some steam and start getting popular and he worries that people will suspect he’s Spider-Man because of how many pictures he gets and all the stuff he writes about himself
Instead, people start suspecting he’s got the worlds biggest crush on Spider-Man
Superhero Conspiracy Bloggers™ who also totally believe Peter has a crush on Spider-Man get wind that Peter is Tony’s intern.
Tony thinks this is a hilarious turn of events, and as revenge for the ‘No One Likes Iron Man’ poll, he tweets out that he’s been trying to set up Peter and Spidey for months now, but “they’re both so shy!”
The internet goes wild.
Michelle, completely aware of Peter’s identity, publishes her own article entitled: ’Spider-Man: PLEASE DATE MY BEST FRIEND’. It trends for three days and Ned has a copy of it printed out and framed.
Harry Osborn, completely unaware of the comedy in this situation, gets drunk and posts a whole angry rant on his snapchat about how Peter can do ‘SO much better’ than the vigilante wall crawler
ginny’s laughter comes in bubbles, prolonged just the right amount and always ending with a joke of her own. her eyes glow and flicker and crinkle and her lips stay in an upturned spot, enticing another joke to bring back the laughs. and, when it comes, she throws her head back and lets out a sound of sunshine and genuineness and something so infectious it leaves the room ablaze and grinning.
luna’s laughter is uncontrollable, starting and staying and ending at the same level. she doesn’t mind people seeing her shake with the glee or swing her feet as she recalls the initial joke so fondly it makes her toes dance in their mismatched shoes. she always comments on how funny what happened was and stays laughing for minutes after everyone else has stopped.
harry’s laughter is contained, small and bumbling and awkward but endlessly happy. he’s grown accustomed to the security that has surrounded him since he first arrived at hogwarts, yet still keeps his voice quiet, hesitant to draw more attention to himself. he doesn’t mind much because, as he watches his friends laugh with him and around him, it keeps the smile on his face longer than anyone else.
ron’s laughter is loud, fits and bursts that leave his stomach aching and his cheeks sore. he laughs so hard he snorts, causing him to laugh harder until he has tears in his eyes and he’s banging his hands on a desk or smacking his legs or joyously hitting anyone near him (mainly harry, who swats ron’s hands away with a brotherly irritation and affection). his laughter alone lights rooms and makes passersby stifle chuckles as he doubles over and catches his breath.
hermione’s laughter is shy, short giggles and breathy smiles that she can’t keep hidden no matter how hard she tries. she always looks down, shakes her head, appreciates the humor no matter how begrudging her acceptance of the chaotic flow of giggles is. when she laughs, it leaves everyone around her feeling mystified and accomplished and important. it leaves her feeling grateful and light and whole.
I still laugh when I think about the fact that the Ministry of Magic employs people to come up with explanations for magic-related incidents for Muggles.
I need a mockumentary in the style of Parks & Rec about the Muggle-Worthy Excuse Committee sitting around a table brainstorming excuses as a floating quill and roll of parchment record everything. The Muggleborns on the committee constantly look into the camera like they’re on The Office.
I don’t think you understand how much I want to be magical just so I could work for this office
“Oh yes, ma’am, you were hallucinating. Giants don’t exist.”
“No, no, you simply saw a man riding a horse, don’t be preposterous. A man can’t be a horse.”
“Come now, be reasonable. Everybody knows a Ford Anglia can’t… can’t fly…… Excuse me, I need to call a colleague of mine to ask him about, ah, something entirely unrelated.”
Addition: imagine being the cousin of a muggle-born wizard or witch who works for this office. You work at HuffPo or CNN and every so often you get a text saying “just say it was northern lights”
and your stress migraine kicks in, because whatever just happened, it’s definitely not going to pass for northern lights
listen. hogwarts houses but instead of placing all the houses in the same dormitories you place them in mini dormitories that each have a Gryffindor, slytherin, ravenclaw and hufflepuff
that way when these 4 kids eventually become friends (and lbr they will after basically living each other after 7 years)
all these personality types are evenly balanced out. when the Gryffindor wants to be reckless the slytherin is like ok chill or we could think this through. when the ravenclaw devotes too much time to studying the hufflepuff is like or you could care abt urself too
and etc
this way ur chances of having 3 reckless Gryffindor children trying to save the school every year dwindles js
I just can’t stop thinking about James and Sirius and Remus in the afterlife, watching over Harry. And when he has his first child, James and Sirius are ecstatic that Harry chooses to name him after them. And Remus smiles benevolently and doesn’t say anything of course, but maybe feels just a tad left out. Sirius can tell and he pats him on the shoulder, saying, “Next time! You’ll see!”
And then next time arrives and what does Harry choose? Albus Severus. And Remus understands, and he’s really not upset. But Sirius is. Sirius just cannot believe that Harry would choose to name his son after Snivellus, the man who had made his godson’s and his own life miserable (so what if he loved Lily), before he honored Remus. Remus, who had been a mentor and friend to Harry. Remus, who had named Harry godfather of his own child. Remus, who was one of the best men Sirius had ever known despite having a childhood that was probably much shittier than Snape’s. Remus, who deserved to be honored by Harry every bit as much as Sirius did, and certainly a thousand times more than Snape.
And for the first time in his life, Sirius is truly disappointed in his godson. And he can’t even let Harry know. And he just has to live with this awful feeling for years and years, and nothing Remus says can make it any better.
Until one day Sirius notices something. He notices how there are always four kids at the Potter house. He’d always thought it was just Harry being nice because Andromeda was getting pretty old by now, but once he starts paying attention, he notices how every time Harry talks about “his kids,” that includes Teddy Lupin. How Teddy is in all of the Potter family portraits. How James, Al, and Lily refer to Teddy as their older brother.
And one day Sirius is watching as Teddy risks himself to save Albus from falling off his broom, and then proceeds to fuss over Al without once worrying about himself. And Harry runs over in a panic, and goes immediately to Teddy, who took most of the damage, checks that he’s basically alright, looks at him with tears in his eyes, and says “Teddy Remus Lupin, thank you. Thank you for saving Al. You are so much like your father.” And then he hugs him tightly and doesn’t let go for the longest time .
And Sirius’s anger evaporates just like that, and he looks over and sees that Remus has been watching too and now they are both silently crying as they watch Harry, their Harry, take care of two of his sons.
And it’s suddenly so obvious why Harry didn’t name his youngest son after Remus: because that was already the name of his oldest.
I’ve been trying to find a headcanon with this and I finally found one.
When Harry gets his first place after Hogwarts that actually has more than one floor, he comes home after getting a load of boxes to find Hermione using a sledgehammer on the drywall beneath the stairs. And Ron’s like, “Look, mate, I borrowed this stuff from my dad, I’ve got a DRILL and a – what’s it called again, Hermione?” “A stud finder.” “Right, one of those, and we’re going to fix your stairs.” Harry’s like, “But there’s nothing wrong with them.” “Yes, Harry, there is.” Harry’s just sort of standing there in total bewilderment while Hermione totally demolishes the wall. “We couldn’t have done that with magic?” “No, Harry, this is personal. You two take this mess out to the skip.” And then Harry stands around a while longer and Hermione puts in support beams in the appropriate places so the stairs don’t fall in, and Ron’s very excited about using the stud finder even though Hermione won’t let him use the drill. When they’re finished, Harry has this set of shelves. So he says, still completely confused, “I thought we picked this place because it had loads of storage.” And Hermione says, “Go get some of my books. I know it’s just shelves, but it’s not a bloody cupboard.”
And every time Harry moves for the rest of his life, Ron and Hermione are there on moving day and they knock out anything under the stairs, even if it’s just a wall. Hermione reads a lot of books. Ron learns to use a miter saw and a carpenter’s square and practices the nail hammering spell until he can do it perfectly on the first try. And sometimes it isn’t very practical but it looks nice…
And sometimes, when they all get older and have children, it’s cozy and has a purpose…
And eventually Hermione gets the trick of there being nothing under the stairs at all…
Which is the story of how Harry Potter never lived in a house with a cupboard under the stairs again for the entire rest of his life.
a Not Happy thought: the “you look so much like your father"s die off as harry gets older. by the time he’s thirty, he begins to miss it.
Implying both that people who remember James Potter are dead and that James Potter did not get to be old.
Harry Potter ran a hand through his hair, staring at his reflection in the lift doors. Was it him or was it beginning to thin?
Ginny used to tease him about it, when he nervously ran his hands over it out of old habits, saying he’d rub himself bald. She didn’t tease him about it now, though, which might mean it was actually happening.
He sighed; how old his reflection had gotten. The years passed and he knew that well enough, but each reflective surface still came at a bit of a shock.
He remembered the first time he looked in a regular mirror and saw his father staring out. Not approximations of his father, not the oft-comment of “you look just like James” from some adult, but actually looked in the mirror and saw the same man he knew from photographs.
And he remembered when he looked in the mirror and his father was gone and he was back to approximations. Looking like James Potter never had a chance to.
It was a morbid way of counting birthdays. This year I’m older than my father got to be. This year older than Remus and Snape. This year older than Sirius. In a few years he would be older than Alastor Moody.
No one ever said he looked like his father anymore.
The doors opened onto the floor for The Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. The Department had two settings: chaos when some magical mishap had to be brought in to be dealt with, and silence when everyone was off tackling the mishap in person. Today was the latter but that was fine. It was James’ turn on desk duty, which was the reason he’d come down, brown bags in hand. It was the only time he could ever seem to wrangle his oldest son for lunch.
Only when he got to the desk, a young witch – a child who hardly looked old enough to be at Hogwarts much less to have graduated from it – smiled up at him.
“Mr. Potter! I have a message for you from your son. They had a catastrophe that really needed his expertise so he had to go.”
Harry gave a small smile. “You’re new, aren’t you?”
She nodded. “Just started last month.”
“Ah. First thing you should know is to never believe James Potter, especially when it comes to desk duty. He’ll do anything to get out of desk duty.”
She gave a smile you would give to an elderly relative doling out advice. “I will remember that next time.”
Oh well, if he was playing the role already, might as well commit. “And don’t let him push you around or beg off. He’ll always have a good reason but you’ve earned your field time like anyone else. And since I brought it down, you can have his lunch.”
That got a laugh as she took the bag. “Thank you. You’re welcome to join me…?”
He waved her off. “No, no, I have paperwork to deal with anyway. But thank you.”
He was about to turn back when she spoke.
“Y’know, it’s remarkable. I would’ve known who you were from a mile off.”
Harry raised an indulgent eyebrow. Four decades had dimmed people’s immediate recognition of him as The-Boy-Who-Lived, especially among the younger crowd, but it was hardly an uncommon occurrence. Still, he acted as if he didn’t know what she meant. “Oh?”
“Oh yes. You look so much like James.”
Time seemed to stop after her words. He didn’t breathe or blink, everything paused in a moment of both newness and familiarity.
Then it was done but the weight of his shoulders had eased a little bit and he gave a brief but genuine smile. Then he laughed. “Don’t say that to him; he’d be mortified.”
“I’ll remember that if he tries to put me on desk duty again then,” she teased.
Harry chuckled and waved and got back on the lift. When the doors closed and he saw himself again, he decided it didn’t really matter much if his hair was thinning. He could do with less of it anyway.
this is lovely
That went somewhere far happier than I expected it to go, whew!
hermione always makes sure to bake ron chocolate chip cookies sunday afternoon
hermione and ron always playing chess in front of the fireplace, hermione drinking earl grey tea, while ron drinks butterbeer
ron always leaves short love/motivational letters on the refridgerator; ‘i cleaned the dishes for you, you don’t have to do all the work alone,’ ‘i love you; you’ll do great today’ ‘don’t let the purebloods bring you down’
ron always sleeps on the left side of the bed with one pillow, while hermione sleeps on the right side with two pillows
hermione is always awake by six o’clock, and has taken her shower and gotten dressed in her lounge clothes for the day, while ron doesn’t wake up until near nine, and stays in his boxers until 10:30 unless he has to be somewhere
hermione and ron always going on double dates with harry and ginny, rolf and luna, or neville and hannah at the leaky cauldron
ron and hermione /never/ go to sleep angry at each other. aggravated, maybe. exaspharated, definitely. angry? never.
for their tenth anniversary, ron got hermione an otter stuffy.
when rose was five, and hugo three, hermione surprised everyone by bringing home a jack russel terrior one day from work.
ron and hermione’s house has an entire floor that has been turned into a library; there is an entire section about chess and quidditch, per ron’s request (not that hermione minded; she found it quite adorable and had to refrain from pinching her husband’s cheek)
hermione still has ron’s dress robes from the triwizard tournament. they’re in a keepsake box up in the attic; ron doesn’t know.
ron proposed to hermione in front of the eiffel tower, because he knew that although she verbally bashed romance novels, she always secretly thought that being proposed to in front of the eiffel tower was the most romantic thing ever
hermione always making sure that ron knows how loved and valuable he is, and how much she appreciates him
ron always making sure to let her know that she is wanted and isn’t annoying and is lovable and valuable
hugo and rose being disgusted with how in love their parents are with each other
ron still wears that first s.p.e.w. badge from when they were in their fourth year, when he goes to her speeches about equality in the magical and muggle communities, for muggles, wizards, squibs, and magical creatures alike.
she hits him over the head with the nearest book whenever he wears it
she hits him again when he calls it ‘spew’
hermione has ‘who run the world? girls’ as her ringtone (yes she has a cellphone for when she is in the muggle world)
(rose is extremely embarrassed)
(hugo thinks it’s hilarious)
(ron doesn’t even know what the bloody hell a ‘beyonce’ is)
(hermione hit him again with a book when he told her that)
(once again, rose was embarrassed – hugo thought it was hilarious)
hermione has an entire window filled with plants. her friendship with neville definitely inspired her to own some house plants, and she has named every one of them.
hermione loves painting – it’s one of the best ways for her to unwind and relax, when she has headaches and doesn’t want to take anything for it.
ron recently took up yoga, to help him ‘get his figure back’
it’s not working, but hermione does have a lot of footage on her mobile of him trying to do poses
once again, rose is embarrassed, hugo thinks it’s hilarious
ron loves listening to indie music; surprising, really, but he does. rose got him hooked on alt-j, and he sings ‘every other freckle’ to hermione when he wants her to smile (it always works)
ron and hermione who love each other unconditonally and /work/ and /are right for each other/ and are /happy/ and /loved/
it’s ginny’s first ever game as a professional quidditch player, and as the players are coming into the stadium, harry, being in the stands, overhears someone nearby say ginny got into the harpies because of the fame and fortune since she’s dating harry. and about two minutes into the game, ginny scores the first point of the season, and harry turns to the person and says “actually, she didn’t buy her way in. she got in on pure talent” and hermione is beside him, rolling her eyes.
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